Saturday, 9 September 2017

Don't Knock it until you've tried it.


I talk to  Rainbows

Ever mindful of the old adage ‘don’t knock it until you’ve tried it’ I invited Phaedra over to our place to try out this same sex thingy. Anyways were just about to get started when mother burst in and cried out “I will not tolerate this sort of thing in my house thank you very much” and ordered Phaedra to put her clothes back on and leave. I felt so sorry for Phaedra as we had hardly got started.

I was devastated to hear that Tamzin and Tiffany’s same sex marriage thingy had broken up. They had only been married for a couple of weeks and are already filing for divorce. Tamzin confided in me that she has never been able to stand Tiffany anyways; she said she is not interested in this same sex thingy; all she wants to do is lie on her back and eat Maltesers. I was so mad I demanded my wedding present back. It was a water squirty thingy for dampening clothes when ironing stuff.

I decided to get this same sex thingy off the ground in earnest so I invited Phaedra, Tamzin, Charlotte, Sarah, Grace, Elspeth, Rebecca, Patience the two Welsh girls Blodwyn and Myfanwy over, Oh Rebecca changed her mind she couldn’t come she was worried about being labelled a Les Bean. Anyways we all took our clothes off and just as we were just about to start when mother burst in and cried out that she wanted to join in also. Mother is a disgusting woman,

Last night I invited Rhonda round to our place and so as not to confuse mother we decided to do it in the garden shed. Anyways we took our clothes off and were just about to start when Rhonda said “Shhh” well actually she used the S word. I said what’s the matter? She said she had left the torch outside of the shed. I went to open the shed door and found it locked. We banged and banged and banged on the door for ages and ages but to no avail so we put our clothes back on because it was like getting really cold and waited until morning when the neighbour heard us banging and let us out.

I really don’t know whether to persevere with this same sex thingy or not……

Courtesy of Ms Bridgette

Friday, 18 August 2017

What the hell was that? (The Rickmansworth Stories are NOT on this blog)


What was the hell was that? 

It was the moment European scientists had long waited for. It was also the moment that full power was applied to the Hadron Collider. There was a short pause followed by an eerie silence. It was said but not confirmed that it was followed by a sort of soft ‘’pinging’’ sort of sound.

It set off an automatic recording device and in the distance an alarm bell sounded ……somewhere. The querulous words which were recorded were short and to the point “what the fuck was that” those words coincide precisely with the vaporization of both France and Andorra and a bit of Switzerland. The good news reaching Canberra is that there were no confirmed Australian causalities. The end.

10/- from AMAZON. There is a free Kindle download if you are skint.

Monday, 24 July 2017

The Way We Were .



The Way We Were  

It was back in the 50’s in Redhill. Surrey and for six years I used to go out with the girl next door, I lived at number 7 she lived at number 5. She told me her name was Evie, Evie Widden and I had absolutely no reason to disbelieve her. 

She was always clad in a thick fair Isle jumper and a duffel coat and sometimes a beanie, I wondered if she went to bed dressed like that which gave rise to lingering doubts if it were possible I had been keeping company with a young man for six years which in retrospect could account for her parents apparent unease whenever I came to collect their teenager no doubt wondering why I wanted to take their son out to the movies or to go for a walk over the common, confirming the unease was nothing to do with my non-existent roué reputation with opposite sex. The mistake was highly possible as there was none of THAT between myself and Evie thank you very much.

Times have indeed changed. We live in a Rainbow world, societally and sexually. In the 50’s one might have spoken about free love. I was led to believe there was a lot of it being thrown about but certainly not in my direction nor had I had ever been invited to partake group-wise, but in any case it was definitely not the delights of the flesh shared equally by Evie and myself…… or Nathan if that was his/her name.

Sodom and Gomorrah was talked about incessantly from the pulpit on Sundays by Pastor Dickie but certainly none of my friends were physically Sodoming OR Gomorrahring anyone or anything even in the privacy of their own home, well not that I was aware of. 

Aids were certainly discussed and these supports I speak of were a boon for people with a limp or whose eye sight was failing or who were going deaf;I would rather not discuss teeth if you don't mind.

Now about Marriage. Evie or Nathan did bring it up once but I could not have afforded to keep a pet Rabbit or a Hamster on my wages let alone a wife or partner so it was a non- issue. If I were to fast forward, well the figure I would like to fast forward from I would keep to myself if you dont mind. 

It would now be acceptable for me to ask Nathans parents if I could marry their son. No questions would be asked as who was going to do what to who and how. 

It was tacit thing if you understand me, like you know instinctively what to do when you get on a bike, does that make any sense?

Today Homothingy is not only acceptable but actively encouraged. Personally I think it is a total waste of time and a waste of effort for the male’s reproductive thingy and in the case of the Ladies a criminal disregard for the purpose of her eggs.

There are clubs, street parades; queer Police Associations, perplexing Politicians in Westminster pushing for their inclusiveness in all aspects of life, and queer representatives pushing for the age of consent for boys be dropped to thirteen or is it nine? They even have their own Rainbow flag. Call someone a Queer and you could end up in an Austrian jail for a hate crime and possibly water-boarded by the jailors for a bit of light relief.

Today being straight could put one at a distinct disadvantage, similar to being white and applying for social housing or a free university place. So where are we heading I hear you ask?

Is there a limit, alternatively is there no limit? There were limits years ago. I remember them and Evie…. or whatever he/she was and I respected them. Cougars for instance I knew as Puma-like animals that roamed the plains of America not mature ladies who walked in the shadows of the streets of Droitwich or Crawley or advertised on dating sites on the Internet. 

I thirst for the good ‘ole days when I could refer to the Nigger in the Woodpile or ask the shopkeeper if she stocked Gollywogs and no-one would be offended. I suppose because in those days people from Third World, that’s from North Africa and beyond were not living in my country telling me what I could and could not say and worse still our politicians agreeing with them.

So in 100 years in the future what will our society look like? I could be living in a reserve, like a living Museum and black people can come and look at me and take photos and throw bits of bread at me like I was an endangered species like a Panda. Or Vicky Verky my descendants could be wearing beards and wailing like Banshees from Minarets dotted around my country. 

Well anything is possible. There might be no such thing as an age of consent not if my bearded friends have anything to do with it, and the Anglo Saxon people’s history will consigned to dusty tomes in a Museum. Two comments by our moralistic past leaders:

David Cameron …’’I am proud of what this government has done on equal marriage”
Nick Clegg…………”Now is the time to make history and celebrate the arrival of equal marriage”

Well Cleggie have I got news for you. It is not equal because for starters the male reproductive ensemble in a traditional marriage is not put to the same use as in a homosexual marriage. No it is NOT equal or the same, but it just garners you both a few more votes.


His wife called him a Paedophile. He replied “that is a pretty big word for a 9 year old”.

Wednesday, 12 July 2017

Who are We?


Who are we?

Let us suppose NONE of the conventional accepted theories on human evolution is true. Let us broaden this out a little. Suppose Extra-terrestrial biological entities manipulated the DNA on already evolving primate creatures to create the Homo sapiens on this planet. No, no don’t stop reading you will miss the best bit. Let us suppose the various human-like entities were NOT triggered as a result of mating between Homo erectus, Homo habilus, Homo-Sapiens or Homo-Sapien-like creatures and Neanderthals.

One must have been in a perpetually comatose state not to know we have been visited for possibly as long as this planet has been in existence. These visitors visiting us right now could have arrived 200 million years earlier well before human-like forms walked the planet. They would not have necessarily come from our nearest star system either.


As a matter of interest at our primitive stage of technology a space shuttle would take years to get to our nearest star. If these visitors came from further afield than our nearest star with 200 million years start on technology they just as well could have come from the far edge of our Galaxy or even another galaxy. Here I will not discuss other universes or even dimensions.


The nearest star to the Earth is Proxima Centauri. A light year is 5.8786 x 10 ^12 miles, hence 4.18 light years is 2.4572 x 10^13 miles. I’ll also assume that the Shuttle would be travelling and it’s commonly quoted orbital speed of 17,500mph. Dividing this by 17,500 gives a travel time of 1,404,145,600 hours which is 58,506,066 days so it would take somewhat over 160,290 years to get to our nearest Star using our current technology.


If our visitors have been traversing the galaxy/s for 200 million years anything is possible and creating various forms of life and experimenting with DNA on this planet is not beyond the realm of possibility. The whole thing could have been an experiment.


The premise is and it is not my premise these visitors were visiting this nondescript planet when evolving primates were unable to walk upright and after 200 Million years these visitors would have been quite capable of experimenting with DNA. As I wrote in the first part of this article there is a worrying similarity in that our ancestors the primates, both had opposable or prehensile thumbs and our DNA was disturbingly close. If a number of different groups of inter-Stellar visitors were capable of experimenting with DNA this could account for human species being of a wide varying colour and more importantly having a huge range of physical differences.


Skeletal remains have been found of early man with extremely large heads. There have been remains found of early man, 7 feet tall which cannot be explained. These were only small in number and found in comparatively small areas. Likewise on remote Indonesian island scientist found prehistoric evidence of miniature humans who shared the earth with modern humans for at least 80,000 years and we are told the earth was one large land mass so the miniature humans could not have walked from their ‘Island’ until the land mass broke up.


If these visitors were ‘experimenting’ with DNA there would have been malformations. Differences in colour were a result of differences in the construction of DNA which could have been the result of experimentation. These failures might have not made the Human-like creatures. Of course it is all conjecture as are a lot of our current beliefs.


Was the Nordic man the result of DNA ‘experiments’ different to that of the Australia Aborigine and did it have nothing to do with who cohabited with who? It appears to make more sense that Nordic or Tibetan man did NOT evolve down the same line as the Australian Aborigine, the Papuan New Guinean, Pygmies or the Dinka People the differences are too great.


I believe there was NO seismic SHIFT in the single path of human evolution as it is debatable whether we did all progress down the same path of evolution.


It is possible in our very early stages of development our forefathers saw the Travellers as ‘Gods from the Sky’ and drew a likeness of them on cave walls, made carvings of them and worshiped them? One cannot know how close the contact between these ‘Gods’ and the primitives were. I do not believe we began our path as human-like creatures having crawled out from the ‘primeval ooze’.


Homo sapiens and Neanderthals or other human-like creatures that once walked the earth could have been given a helping hand in their evolution, their differences created by these Interstellar Travellers fully understanding the science of DNA; I realise it is all conjecture as are all the mystical Gods we have worshiped in the past and still do, be it the Sun the moon, black Cats or creatures like ourselves. We do not know if the visitors from the sky periodically returned to observe the result of their handiwork making alterations here and there or were never far away.


There are many other unanswered questions where speculation is rife but fact is sparse, such as did primitive man move 200 ton boulders, carve them with machinery-like precision before building temples to worship their own God-like entities, a wall so intricately built that one would be hard pressed to get a cigarette paper between the mammoth carved blocs. Did the early pyramid builder questioned his or her supervisor after years of hauling, carving and placing one stone of top of another if there were any real purpose to their lifetime labour other than to build a burial chamber for an earthly king?


But here it gets sinister.


The question is did Extra-terrestrial biological entities manipulate DNA in already evolving primates to create the Homo sapiens on this planet?


There is a lady in the USA who is quite respected in this field and somewhat of an authority on this subject thinks they did and so I suspect does the ‘secret government’. Wiki says “Her name is Linda Moulton Howe and Wiki goes on to say she is an “advocate of conspiracy theories” that cattle mutilations are of extra-terrestrial origin and speculations that the U.S. government is involved.


What Wiki does not say however is the reason she questions cattle mutilations is because in some instances during Post Mortems reveal the animal’s heart/s had found to have been removed without any signs of intervention with any signs of blood, I should add she was not the single witness.

‘Advocate’ by the way can mean whatever you like it to mean. If you do not believe the narrative or questions the paradigm then one runs the risk of ridicule as might Linda Moulton Howe.


This is the problem when one nears the truth, ridicule and denial is the order of the day. It is worth an intelligent discussion rather than a 20 word statement ‘this project is closed’ Has someone got something to hide?

Starts.. Linda Moulton states ad verbatim…” In nearly 37 years of trying to the best of my ability to find out the real truth behind lots of the phenomena and realising that perhaps with good intentions that our government at its highest level in the FDR administration going forward made decisions in the interests of National Security to protect the American citizenry but now some 67 years later I do not think the policies of lies and denial that the fact we are not alone in the universe and there has been an Alien presence on this planet for millions of years and humans are just waking up that NOTHING we have been taught is true.


That is what motivated me, what kept me going and in the process I have become very disappointed and dismayed at what our government has done to cover up what I think is one of the single most important subjects, WHO ARE WE? What is the history of this planet and that is what we are talking about?


April 9 1983 at Kirkland Air Force Base in the Airforce office of special investigations office with Richard C Dodie I was there working on the HBO Project at the time when I thought I was there to get some names and phones numbers of people involved in a very dramatic case in South Dakota, when he reached into a drawer brought out a vanilla envelope and as he was handing it over to me he said, my superiors have asked me to show this to you, you can read it, you can ask me questions but you cannot take notes.


I want you to move from the chair you are in to that chair and he motioned to a big chair that was right in the middle of the room and I was too green then to realise that I was in an office made specifically to video tape and audiotape people at that chair in front of that desk.


67 years after that moment a man that I met described my clothes, my hair, the discussion because he had seen all of the videotape that they had taken of me that day. I did not realise what I am now reading are several pages that began on the front page; all CAPS.


“Briefing paper for the President of the United States of America on the subject of unidentified aerial craft UAC’s the phrase unidentified aerial vehicles UAV’s both two acronyms were used throughout this paper, not UFO’s and as it went back it began into the history of the project side and GRUDGE and what happened to the pilot Thomas Mantell the pilot that was blown out of the air when he was trying to approach a UFO. His plane and body were blown to smithereens by some sort of force.


On approximately the second or third page of this type ; it was all typed there was a paragraph that said Extra-terrestrial Biological entities manipulated the DNA of already evolving primates to create Homo Sapiens (the Latin was used), on this planet and next to the last page of the document there was a series of projects. The top one was Project Garnet. I paid special attention to that name as it was my birth stone.


ALL QUESTIONS AND MYSTERIES ABOUT THE EVOLUTION OF HOMO SAPIENS ON THIS PLANET HAVE BEEN ANSWERED AND THIS PROJECT IS CLOSED.

She concluded, “Now they are hugely revolutionary sentences if one had not been exposed to those concepts before, reading them in a chair on an Air Force base in an Air Force office of Special investigation” Ends.


Could there be something about our origins we are not being told?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFZIzUiTLLo

Saturday, 8 July 2017

Child of Mitochondrial Eve.


I am who I am.

Child of Mitochondrial Eve.

Considering the huge spectrum of different physical characteristics or variability between humans it is worth debating the reason for this but there is a problem, once you start comparing human differences you find by default you will be comparing not only physical differences but skin colour. No-one will argue the point that we are NOT or ARE all the same in physical characteristics as a human species. There had to be a seismic shift in our path of evolution.

One can compare 'differences' between animals, birds and insects with safety but not humans. If Darwin was wrong and hypothesized my ancestors were monkeys I would not feel at all slighted, there is a similarity in that we both have opposable or a prehensile thumb and our DNA is disturbingly close.


While our ancestors have been around for about six million years, the modern form of humans Neanderthals and Homo sapiens only evolved about 200,000 years ago, so we have a had a generous time to finally settle on our path evolution. We all had to start somewhere.....I had no choice, I am who I am.


I recently read a condensed article on the origin of man. It was mooted by an expert in this field that there was insignificant mating between Homo sapiens and Neanderthals who were a close cousin of Homo sapiens having DNA over 99.5% the same. Insignificant or not mating is mating.


It was Neanderthals that did not survive evolution and became extinct around 40,000 years ago about the same time we are told the Australian Aborigine appeared in a place now called Australia having ‘walked’ so we are told from Tanzania with all the rest of us which if they were able to walk they would have been wading all the way. Incidentally at that time Tanzania was not a place, and it was going to be extremely difficult to walk as the continents had broken up 75,000 years prior. A true Australian Aborigine has a much closer resemblance to a Papuan or New Guinean than a Tanzanian so the ‘walk’’ for the Australian Aborigine was not possibly as long as we thought it was, so is it all guesswork?


Pangea was a supercontinent that existed during the late Palaeozoic and early Mesozoic eras. It assembled from earlier continental units approximately 300 million years ago, and it began to break apart about 175 million years ago, so where were the land bridges for the Australian Aborigine to cross enable them to call Australia home?


Now Civilization as we know it is only about 6,000 years old, which is really good news for the Creationist as the bible tells us God created the world 6000 years ago, now that is an uncanny co-incidence in anyone’s book. Homo sapiens who we have to assume were not God’s creatures having appeared around 194,000 Million years earlier did survive; as did the survivors of interbreeding between Neanderthals and Homo sapiens when a distinct human line was established, call it a Mixed-human species.


I cannot see any other reason for such a huge physical disparity between humans that I have to believe that the Negroid races were triggered as result of mating between Homo sapiens and Neanderthals, or alternatively if one finds that statement racially provocative it was the fair skinned races that were the result of this mating between Neanderthals and Homo sapiens. The more alert of you will note I am having two bob each way with this assumption keeping an arms-length away from any provocative politically-incorrect statement.


Visitors from Gliese 581G who had arrived here faster than the speed of light would not understand the critical importance of ”Political Correctness” and would wonder why it should tread lightly when discussing differences in skin colour, we do not theorise eye shape may have been caused by gazing for lengthy periods at the sun.


Those observant among you will realise I am not discussing race but physical characteristics between two human specimens. One has to be extremely careful where one treads with this subject. 


If these extra-terrestrial visitors I write of that arrived from Gliese 581G from the constellation Libra observed an Australian Aborigine placed side by side with an indigenous Swede they would without doubt naturally assume they were two ‘similar human species’ whose path of evolution ‘was NOT from a common ancestor’ A mixed race person has two common ancestors as does a non- mixed race person. I watched a documentary that stated that “we all are descendants of about 29 hunter gatherer people in a place now called Tanzania”

It gets better; we were told our DNA can all be traced back to one female, Mitochondrial Eve. Where were the other females? Darwin theorised evolution began when we crawled out of the primordial ooze in one basic life form or another; there must have been more than one female-leaning single cell surely. To take it one step further could Mitochondrial Eve be alive and well today as the modern Female and who in her unique way helps to perpetuate the species.


After the initial discovery of the "mitochondrial Eve", the researcher felt uneasy about using the term "Eve" because it caused many to think that she was the only woman living at that time, much like what is written in Genesis of the Bible concerning Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. It is an interesting point when discussing this subject or astrophysics, God is never mentioned.


I want to strongly stress this personal observation is not meant to be in any way derogatory and has nothing to do with race. Humans were of different colour and physical traits way before we formed races. I am told that we ALL came from Africa, be that as it may.


The physical differences are such that speculation is worth debating without any frenzied name calling. I feel in the name of freedom of expression and freedom of speech I am allowed to debate this hypothesis. To appreciate these huge differences in physical appearance one only has to compare a true Australian Aborigine and a Northern European.


Wiki tells us “results show the genomes of modern humans and Neanderthals are at least 99.5% identical”, but despite this genetic similarity, the two species coexisted in the same geographic region for thousands of years.


Edward Rubin of the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory, who led one of the research teams, found there was no evidence of any “significant” interbreeding between the two. As an aside, a

difference of just .5% defective DNA can cause significant defects which can be passed on to one’s children and have devastating effects.

I suspect that is “significant” guess work on the part of Mr Rubin. He did say however "While unable to definitively conclude that interbreeding between the two species of humans did not occur, analysis of the nuclear DNA from the Neanderthal suggests the low likelihood of it having occurred at any “appreciable” level."


So he is having two bob each way here. To surmise even a low appreciable level means he agrees that interbreeding did occur and from thereon in it was a matter of time and intensity of the breeding to arrive at what Mr Rubin might term an “appreciable” level. Rabbits and Mice are a prime example.


Skin colour has nothing to do with living in the sun but all to do with pigmentation of the skin this is passed on through a person’s DNA and if there was .5% of Neanderthals DNA that was unlike the DNA of Homo Sapiens it could have been this crucial .5% that caused the diversity in human skin colour and physical difference that through mating triggered a human species on a parallel path of evolution. You’re Genes or mixture of Genes will determine who you are and your physical appearance. Big question who gets to decide a humans DNA,   I MAY HAVE THE ANSWER


As I wrote if our ancestors ALL originated from Africa our DNA must have been very close but the discrepancy in skin colour and physical characteristic seem to prove otherwise. Is this the elusive .5% difference?

An insignificant likelihood of mating at any level between Homo sapiens and Neanderthals is all that is needed to have caused the establishment of a distinct human line born with a white OR black skin and with or without Negroid features. What we are being told to believe is the mating between Homo-Sapiens and Neanderthals had little or no effect on our physical appearance. Regardless I must assume there were two similar human species whose path of evolution was NOT from a common ancestry which can be discussed without even referring to skin colour.


Let us approach this from a completely different point of view.
in Part Two.

Wednesday, 24 May 2017

Take a Seat Please.


Take a seat please

It was another exciting day for me but not so for my wife. We were shopping. I look after the full shopping bags so I get to talk to people I have never met in my life, they warm to me probably because I remind them of their grandfather.

In shopping centres there are usually strategically placed 3 person seats or seats for two persons and a shopping bag, or Vicky Verky a three person seat for a single person and a very large shopping bag.


Being a creature of habit I usually target the three person seat with two persons and a space in the middle for a shopping bag, where I ask the resting shopper if he/she would care to move their bag. To show them I am offering the hand of friendship and at the same time proving I have not deliberately targeted them and it is not a personal thing and that I am not looking for a full-on bare knuckle fight outside of Woolworths, I then say “we can pretend we are Magpies sitting on a telephone line”


The victim as my wife calls them usually smile weakly with muted acknowledgement, unaccompanied by words. I accept unconditionally I have intruded onto their private space. That dear reader is my invitation to start a conversation. I can usually tell what a person’s interests are.


My victim today was a lady of foreign extraction. She queried my opening gambit about the Magpies on telephone lines. I asked out of politeness if she could understand English. As it happens she could, remarkably well. It was just as well I resort to erring on the side of caution for I was about to congratulate her on her command of my language but thought better of it.


I then asked if she had studied Quantum Physics. To my utter astonishment she said she hadn’t. That gave me a clear run. I then explained to her that everything we see might not be true reality; I said even the fruit shop opposite was not really there. 


I realise for an opener it was a hard ask for her being a personal thing as her husband was still inside the said shop with all their bankcards and stuff with their mobile phone on his person. But I continued. 


I briefly touched on SchrĂ–dinger’s Cat and the Double slit experiment but soon realised I would have to approach this from a completely different direction.


I explained that at least a dozen Ph.D.’s. and at least 4 M.D’s and a brace of theoretical scientists and an unknown number of astrophysicists, astronomers and a lot of other people who are really clever reckon we are living in a Hologram and seeing they have letters after their name and I don’t I must accept what they say as being gospel.


She was a lovely lady and asked me pertinent questions such as did I have the time on me and why wasn’t I shopping with my wife. I explained to her I was resting while my wife was shopping.


I am getting a little beyond myself here. When joining a person on a 3 person seat you will find that one is required to sit as far as possible from the other person as the picture above graphically shows. On taking the centre position on a three person seat it is imperative to always keep in mind when looking left or right that your gaze does not meet your fellow shopping traveller. The trick is to lean as far forward as far as possible and pretend to survey the shopping centre, eyes sweeping left to right or vice versa.


The reason for this will become blindingly apparent. If one were NOT to project their body forward then there is a possibility though slight, that one’s gaze might inadvertently or even accidentally meet the gaze of ones fellow shopper and they might get the impression true or otherwise that you are a sexual pervert or a Homothingy who trawls suburban shopping centres searching for cheap sexual thrills.


It was a new day, a new shopping adventure. This man was a stranger, we had never met before. Again I took the centre position on the bench. I observed the opening pleasantries before putting forward the hypothesis that what we are seeing all originated from the big bang billions of years ago and we are star people, we are ‘OF’ the stars but in our case we are disguised as human beings but in truth we are bolts of pure cosmic energy, just consciousness and living in matrix in a projected fake reality controlled from the other side of the universe, actors in a Hologram with a supposed purpose. I talked of the fabric of space and stuff, oh and multiple universes.


I could tell from his body language his demeanour was beginning to change, he was not going to stay long enough to digest this assertion, he clenched his teeth, turned red in the face tightly closed his eyes, like really tightly like one does when going number twos stood up and left. It was at this point my wife emerged from the fruit shop, arms weighed down with two heavy bags of fruit, shoulders hunched over and arms looking two feet longer than normal not unlike tired Albatross wings or is that Albatross’s wings. 


She said “Did your victim flee then?” My wife has a wicked sense of humour.


Saturday, 1 April 2017

The Third Apple


The Third Apple.

The illusionist stands in front of the table and asks for a volunteer from the audience to approach the table. On the table he has two apples. He says to the volunteer “Can tell me how many apples you can see on the table in front of you?”

The man says “I see two apples”


The illusionist replied “what would you say if I told you there were three apples on the table”


The man says “but there are only two”

The illusionist says “the reason you only see two is you lack confidence in the belief that what I am telling you is true, that there are three."


The volunteer persists. “I believe in what my eyes tell me and they tell me there are only two apples on the table why should I believe in something I cannot see?”


The illusionist says “what if I told you that there are something like over two billion people on this planet who would agree with me there is a third apple on the table. although they cannot see it”


The volunteer inquires incredulously “What! They believe in what you are telling them that  there is a third apple on the table because you said there were,  even though there are only two?”


“Yes sir”


“If they can see three apples why cannot I see three? Can anyone else in the audience see them? Would you like to select another person from the audience and ask them the same question I can only tell you what I see?"


The illusionist says “Well to be honest sir whether you can actually SEE three apples is irrelevant”


The man points out to the illusionist “surely that is the whole point. Be honest with me can YOU see three apples?”

The illusionist replied “No I cannot”


“Then why are you telling me there are three”


“Well you see sir I have blind faith that there are three, you don’t”


Blind faith in what!?"

Exasperated the illusionist said “For heaven’s sake, that there are three friggin apples on the table”

The volunteer asks “OK who was it that told you there were three apples on the table in the first place?”

“Oh another illusionist chappie”


“So you believed him? Ok let us take this one step further how do you know there are not 4 or even 6 apples on the table or that the table is overflowing with apples”


Illusionist “now Sir you are just being silly”


The volunteer says “I don’t want to appear flippant but if people knew what you are doing is not even clever sleight of hand but downright deception you would be out of a job would you not? If thousands of similar illusionists were pulling this same trick they too would be out of a job”


The exasperated person from the audience continued “do you have a head illusionist chappie with who I can thrash this out?”


The illusionist says “Indeed we do sir; we do have a Head Chappie and possibly hundreds and thousands of trainee chappies.”


The audience volunteer said “I suspect sir you are treating me as a security blanket to bolster you own misguided illusions or is that delusions. I think you had better find another victim”